Octogenarian Edition

Hugh Hefner, 85, and James "Whitey" Bulger, 81, have been in the news recently. Hef, of course, lives in that legendary Xanadu, the Playboy Mansion, while Whitey lives God knows where. Poor Hef had his heart broken by his 25 year old fiancee Crystal Harris who broke off the engagement right before the wedding. She believes, according to a report in the Hindustani Times (don't say I won't go anyplace for a blog), that marriage is between one man and one woman and that she couldn't stand Hef's "womanizing." One wonders if Ms. Harris discovered that Hef wasn't checking out his magazines for the writing. The good news is that 85 year-old guys are apparently capable of womanizing and that Medicare will pay for an electric scooter to help in the chase.

On the other hand I wouldn't want to be Catherine Greig, the 60ish girlfriend of Whitey Bulger. Now I happen to believe that the FBI search for Whitey is a lot like OJ's search for the real murderer. After all if they catch the guy, he'll certainly sing about the corruption in the Boston FBI office that allowed him to commit at least 19 murders while he was serving as an informant. So what did the Feds do? They created a PSA fingering Greig and offering a reward of $100,000 which will appear on woman-oriented shows like The View, Dr. Oz, Regis and Kelly, and Ellen. It turns out Greig has some obscure habits that separate her out from all the other sixty year old women in the country like using beauty salons, having plastic surgery, and going to the dentist. Oh, and she likes dogs. If you know the Whitey Bulger story, you know he is a master of tying up loose ends, and it looks like the FBI is trying to remind him of his rep. One can picture the happy couple on the couch waiting for the Price is Right to come on when Whitey discovers the FBI's PSA on The View. Wouldn't want to be Ms. Greig at that point. The good news is that Whitey has been a one woman guy for at least 16 years. Perhaps the FBI should hire the suddenly available Crystal Harris to track down the fugitive. She found Hef and Whitey's $2 million reward should be a big incentive.

By the way you can catch the PSA on ITunes, the FBI's website, and its accounts on Facebook, You Tube, and Twitter. Can't quite get my head around an FBI Twitter account, but I suppose if you read everybody else's tweets you could get pretty good at writing your own. Oh well, good luck to Hef, the FBI (and the NSA in case they're eavesdropping as well) and bad luck to Whitey and the Yankees.