Beware the Platypus!

In my new role as a volunteer at Sheep Pasture I'm slated to lead two groups of kids aged 8-11 in a new program called EcoRangers. For those of you with visions of a wheezy, out of shape, old guy stumbling after kids in the woods, you're seeing the same thing I see in the mirror every day. As Chief Dan George said in The Outlaw Josey Wales I shall "endeavor to persevere." In order to prepare for the wilderness survival part of the course, I'm doing what every outdoorsman does: scouring the Internet.

It turns out that reading a URL is a vital survival skill. I missed the .au on one site and discovered in wilderness survival situations I should beware the platypus because the male has a poisonous spur. Good advice but unlikely to help at Sheep Pasture. Given the number of poisonous snakes and crocodiles in Australia I'd assumed that Platypuses were the least of my worries. Ultimately I found M40. Mr. M and I are unlikely to be chatting over coffee at Lil Peach. He hates easterners, liberals, Macs, and most other wilderness survival guys. In fact I suspect that M40 is an Internet handle for Michelle Bachman's husband. On the issue of survival he makes a lot of sense, however. We at Sheep Pasture take great pride in being able to start a fire with a firebow. M40 points out that this is the 21st century and that anyone who might get lost in the woods should carry a BIC lighter. He also reminds us that signal fires and mirrors are fine, but that most of us should just reach in our pocket and use the damned cell phone (presumably not an IPhone though since Mr. M is down on all things I). M40 has really studied survival and notes that most folks get lost near other people and are found in 24 hours or less. He touts something called the rule of threes in order to make plans to survive until rescued:
              A severe injury can kill you in THREE MINUTES-take care of injuries first
              Severe weather can kill you in THREE HOURS-shelter and a fire are your next priorities.
              Lack of water can kill you in THREE DAYS-water should be your next goal.
              Lack of food can kill you in THREE WEEKS-food should be the last thing to worry about.
M40 explains that anyone who walks in the woods should carry a tiny survival pack that would allow you to meet all those needs. You can buy one of those packs for $35 at L. L. Bean, but I'm putting together a revised M40 version that should cost less than $15. Hopefully, this will really impress folks at the bar at Stone Forge. I'll reveal the contents of the "Wilderness Ed Handy Pack" in tomorrow's blog.