But is he conservative enough?

Charleston SC  (AP) The search for a conservative alternative to Willard "Mitt" Romney took a new turn yesterday with the entry of Ogg  into the race. Ogg was born 35 years ago in a South Carolina lab that was attempting to sequence DNA from the bones of a German Neaderthal. He  declared for the Republican nomination with a news conference yesterday evening.  With a tone reminiscent of Newt Gingrich, the new candidate said "Ogg, want go Washington, now!" The new candidate has many views sure to appeal to Republican conservative voters in South Carolina where the Constitutional ban on literacy tests has increased the electorate substantially. When asked about his view on Iranian nuclear weapons the new candidate said "Ogg hate Iranians! Kill! Kill!" A former member of the Bush administration speaking from an undisclosed location on condition of anonymity said "This is a cogent reaffirmation of my, err President Bush's view on one of the members of the Axis of Evil." Tea Party members were also heartened by Ogg's views on the Federal Reserve Board-"Ogg hate Federal Reserve! Kill! Kill!"

In what has become a litmus test for candidates in South Carolina, Ogg was only too happy to release a detailed list of his assets: one spear, one bone necklace, one leather loincloth. The candidate was pleased to announce that he was "one of the 9 fingers and 10 toes, not a middle finger like Romney." Ogg's campaign manager guessed that this was the candidate's humorous way of announcing he was one of the 99%.

Not all of the new candidate's views are aligned with conservative Republican positions. Hawks in the party were not happy with Ogg's plan to cut the defense budget by replacing guns with spears and aircraft carriers with "big, big, big canoes" although Ron Paul said the idea might have merit. Needless to say Ogg has views on evolution that differ from the majority of his party. His position on global warming is also at odds with received Republican wisdom. When asked about climate change he stated "Where did ice go? Ogg want bring back hairy elephants!" Birthers in the GOP are concerned that the bones used to get Ogg's DNA  came from Germany and demanded to see his birth certificate. On the other hand, evangelicals claim Ogg's unusual natal circumstances are an indication that he is "born again."

While the Romney campaign has remained quiet about the entry of the new candidate. Other candidates have spoken up. The Perry campaign welcomed "another good old southern boy" to the campaign and praised Ogg for being able to remember more than two things at a time. Herman Cain threw his support behind Ogg with a statement that read in part: "Any candidate with a pick up line like 'Ogg want to hit on head and drag to man cave' is all right with me." The GINGRICH campaign reaffirmed it's belief that GINGRICH is the true conservative in the race and announced that GINGRICH would appear at the next debate in a loincloth that's even smaller than Ogg's. When informed of this Ogg said "No matter if elephant is hairy or not, Ogg kill, kill!." Politics is indeed different in South Carolina.