Send Guns and Lawyers

So here we are on the anniversary of Steve Jobs death and our fabled town government still treats users of Apple products like second class citizens. Once again I tried to fill out and save an online form from the town website only to find that honor was still unavailable to Mac users. Heck, you know me, I've complained before, vociferously, but nothing ever happens. We pay a tech person at town hall-I imagine him in top hat and a coal-stained morning coat presiding over some steampunk version of a server-why can't everyone have equal access? Also, if this poor wretch was allowed to escape in the evening and wander the halls of the old Frothingham Mansion, he might note that a lot of town business is done by volunteers (especially those plodding PC owners who can fill out the volunteer form) who actually need access to the Internet through a WiFi network to do their jobs. Here one imagines the current system run by Mr. Cratchit with a kite on the roof.  Let's have a town office that is the best that 20th century technology can provide! Yeah, the last sentence was sarcasm.

 I say let's lawyer up and close the damned place down, preferably before the Historical Society rents the tea cups for the 100th anniversary tea next Friday (from 11:30-1:30-You are all invited by the way.) The tea will include a tour of the grounds, a PowerPoint (yes, I'm bringing my own equipment) and a self-guided tour of the interior. Bring the traditional wooden shoe to throw in the gears of the server gizmo thingee or water to douse its boiler.

Please address any complaints about the above to me on engraved stationery, preferably laid paper, 40 weight, lavender color. I don't accept anything as advanced as mail from the penny post so please send your man with a calling card and my valet will decide whether to accept the epistle or not.

About the guns. Maggie has had a tough week. Her groomer insists on treating her like a frou-frou shih tzu, putting a bow in her hair when she leaves. Bad for her self-image as the 14 pound alpha dog of Easton. She even rolled over and let me rub her tummy today-something no alpha dog should ever do. However, I have a plan to restore her self image. On Saturday, October 27th, the last day of the outdoor Farmer's Market we will be hosting a Doggie Costume Party at 11:00.  Anyone is welcome to bring a costumed pooch and there will be prizes for the best dressed dog. Along with the bow Maggie got a neckerchief. Building on that I'm working hard to improve her self esteem by dressing her up on the 27th as that icon of macho, the American Cowboy. But here in the USA you can't feel really macho without guns-just ask any NRA member. Its really difficult to find a gun, bullets and a gun belt in Maggie's size, however. Since her main job is household security, I'm sure she'd have no trouble getting a pistol permit if we could only find a Colt .045. If you know a really tiny gunsmith, please let me know.